VikingandHobbit

 I feel better today. Like, really, truly, solidly better . How long that will last? Who knows, it's a mystery.  The service at church was really fun. Jordan and I got to help Bingham stuff the palms into the SPECIAL BBQ for burning. We made some new friends at our table. Church is really starting to feel safe and like home.  I ate sausages and egg casserole and a blueberry pancake with butter. ^_^ I knew I wouldn't be able to really go for a walk after eating (dark, cold, downtown Eugene), so I avoided syrup and juice and ice cream.  Which feels weird and a bit sad, BUT, I think my blood sugars were a bit more stable through the night, because I didn't have to get up and pee even ONCE! Which is a thing that can happen when you have a spike or drop in the night, your body knows there's an emergency, and wakes you up, and then you have to pee.  Apparently.  That or I was just dehydrated. lol.  We got our picture taken in the photo booth! Look how cute w...

 that's right, it's PANCAKE DAY.  also a couple things: 1. I'm back on instagram, under the handle pinkistra. Pretty sure my account is prvate, but you can find and follow me. Mostly I'm posting about the hobbitty meals.  2. Please contact me. I know I am TERRIBLE currently at reaching out, but like ... I'm really lonely and need friends, and i just LITERALLY do not have the spoons to reach first.  3. I have discord and whatsapp, and I'm thinking of starting a discord channel for all my friends, just cuz ... I miss talking to people? I need people. I'm really lonely. Is that something anypony would be interested in? anyway, back to pancakes.  SHROVE TUESDAY!!!  Basically the slightly more restrained version of Mardi Gras. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which starts Lent, 40 days of fasting until Easter. Traditionally on Shrove Tuesday, you eat PANCAKES.  There is a pancake dinner at church today, and we are going. We are going a bit early so we can also wa...

 I think I need to accept that Thursday and Friday I am going to be too tired and/or busy to really blog.  The ends of the week are the dregs at the bottom of the barrel of my soul and there’s not enough to go around. I think I’m back to … well, mostly normal with eating. Which is good. It was pretty tricky there for a note minute.  In the flip side that means I’m really struggling to eat on time and often enough. Heh.  I got a plan for the week though, and I will share it: … never mind, I will NOT share it. The photo won’t upload. Lol.  However, here was our thinking process:  As you can see, it is quite intensive.  Anyway.  It’s been hard.  We went to pick up my new meds on Friday, and.that turned in to a fiasco. Sigh.  We got up to the counter, and the pharmacist was talking REALLY fast, and I was overwhelmed, and really upset ANYWAY, because NEEDLES, and she didn’t realize at first that this was my first TIME getting all these meds,...

 Which means I'm feeling highly suspicious about the ensuing day.  Highly. Suspicious.  Jordan woke up yesterday and felt pretty okay. He was looking forward to counseling, but for some reason his counselor didn't show. He's going to follow up with that and see what happened.  I went to the gym with Carey, and had quite a fun time. I am very strong, and I like BEING very strong.  we went out to thai food.  The orthorexia is STRONG. I mean... that's jut how it's going to be for awhile. We did get scheduled with our nutritionist, so YAY! Now I just have to find where I put the LAB PAPERS!!! I specifically requested them so I could show her!!! I think yesterday and the day before, I didn't eat enough carbohydrates. I've been feeling off and super weird. Jordan made me a tuna sammich with bread, and then I started feeling more normal.  It’s still early scary to eat food. And any kind of body sensation I have, I’m hyper aware of. It’s obnoxious.  I’m a...

 well, yesterday was pretty sucky.  Jordan is spiraling back down into depression again - I was feeling so hopeful. *sigh* And had insomnia as a result. So he's home again today. He has the FMLA paperwork turned in, so it's not going to be a job-endangering thing, but it will not be paid.  Have I mentioned how livid  I am that we live in a country that does not offer sufficient paid sick leave for people. The EU requires SIX WEEKS of paid leave for illness.  Oregon requires FIVE DAYS. Which is about on par for most states that have a law about sick leave.  So, y'know. Don't break your leg. Don't have major surgery. Or middling-surgery, frankly.  And heaven forbid you have kids, cuz those little germ factories will take you OUT.  And remember the flue and covid? Those take more than five days to recover from, so make sure you don't get sick from THAT either.  America works really well  for people that are lucky enough to be physically and...

 Things, overall, are terrible. Like, I don’t know how to sheild y’all from that anymore. In fact, I can’t. I’m too tired. As always, we are doing our best. We are learning, and growing, and improving every day. Per colloquial wisdom, that SHOULD mean we are getting better and better and things are improving.  That only works if your level of improvement is faster than the level of things careening out of control.  And in the last few months, those things have skyrocketed.  And I just don’t have the strength anymore to take care of everyone else’s feelings around our life catastrophes.  Which is partly why I’ve gone so radio silent - I can’t put a spin on our circumstances that gives ME hope, let alone anyone else. And since “take care of other’s feelings” has been STAMPED INDELIBLY on my soul since I was three, that means when I am overwhelmed, when I am unable to be hopeful or encouraging or tie things up with a pretty bow, I go away. Because that’s better for...